Kripya order karein!

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Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Of Ghar and Ghajini

The renovation work in our new house has started and words like karhiya, mistri, barhai, painter, carpainter (sic, hee) etc have taken place in my vocabulary. All sorts of excel sheets for Project House have been put in place and if the aforementioned karhiyas and mistris knew that their every move is currently being tracked in workplans, I think they could very well be put off their chai-breaks (of which there are plenty, I am told, high-stress job and all that. Not that I ever grudge anyone their tea-breaks. Not as long as they take me along.)

I am not really able to spend any time at at the site though, things at home not being entirely under control. The boy fell ill again and the new maid, Ghajini (short for Gaja Gamini) lives up to the name that I have given her (or borrowed from Vatsayana, it refers to her walk, not her size). Itni bhi kya jaldi hai is her ruling theme in life. Ghajini, you scream, come here at once, Adi has puked in my lap and on my laptop, the phone is ringing, the carpenter is at the door wanting to know if it is alright to do the exact opposite of what you told him to and my script is flying out of the window as we speak. Ghajini throws her hair over her shoulder and slowly begins to walk towards me, gently so as to not hurt the earth, her hips swaying in perfect rhythm as she makes her relaxed way towards me. I am fairly certain that many a street-Romeo had written odes to her mastani chaal but I have little use for it, unless I do a sudden MF Hussain, of course. By the time she reaches ground zero, I have already handled the crisis in my own slipshod way. What do you need, didi, she asks of me. Gah, couldn't you hurry up, I shout. In response, her eyes well up with tears. I clench my teeth and ask her to take her presence away, my patience not being a heavyweight these days. Oh ok, she says and starts to compete with snails again, back to the kitchen.

In all of this, all that comes to my mind is bloody Padma. If she had not abandoned the ship for reasons unknown to mankind, I wouldn't be stuck with the likes of Ghajini. While on the topic of Ghajini, I'd like you, dear reader to know of her voice or lack thereof. While Ghajini can technically speak, she feels it is just too much effort. So if she does need to ask me something, she ambles over to the room where I work and makes some movements with her lips. Aforementioned patience being what it is, I start sending forth streams of smoke from both ears at this transformation of Ghajini into goldfish. WHAT, WHAT, WHAT, SPEAK UP, WOMAN, I snap. Her eyes well up again. I just wanted to know what to make for dinner, she says. (This incidentally is at about three in the afternoon but at Ghajini's speed, dinner will take about that long, so we are good.) I don't know, I want to shout, whatever you want. But I don't. Because I know that elephants can remember.

12 comments:

Quirky Quill said...

Oh! Between doing up the home and the domestic help who is not really living upto her name, the BP must be on the rise, yeah? Would I invite a glare if keeping matters of context and sympathy aside, I ask for results of the Crossword Weekly Top 20? BUV there again?

Parul said...

Quirky Quill...Of course I won't glare! IBN is publishing only Top 10 now so no way to know how it moved but I do know that it's made it to the Landmark Top 10.

beyond said...

lol

thethoughtfultrain said...

LOL!! Its not good to laugh at others troubles, but how can I help if it is Parul who is retelling her woes?? :D LOL!! I sure sympathize with you, have had my share of the Ghajinis too. :-)

Mamma mia! Me a mamma? said...

Ghajini! Hehehe!! Girl, you crack me up!

And did I notice two magic words tucked in oh-so-casually in this hilarious post of yours???

tandoorilounge said...

Hi Parul, First time here and love it already. Cannot wait to read your book. Keep up the good work lady or rather mommy:-)

Anamika said...

Brilliantly funny!!

Ok, sympathies for your maid related agonies if you are looking for that as well. Its hard though to offer them when one has tears rolling down her eyes due to excess laughing.

sole said...

That was truly hilarious, I know..not good to laugh at your pain, but its irresistable :-). BTW, first time here, just recently landed at your space and you have a way with words girl!
What happened to Padma?

Hobo ........ ........ ........ said...

5 miles distance And a shout - elephants able to hear.
Regarding walk I wish to be a woman next birth.
And kid - get well soon.
:))

kbpm said...

I warn you, Parul Sharma, that if you mention your spreadsheet and timelines and deadlines, and the inherent caveats and forfeit clauses to the Carpainters, they will laugh at you. They did, at my husband. I had to smooth them over with much talk about mehengaai and padhaai and ghar me ladaai and so on before they agreed to work for us again.

(Ghajini is a good one. All you need to do now is tattoo the dinner menu on yourself and let her read it).

Parul said...

beyond...Good!

thethoughtfultrain...They trouble me, these maids, but they make for good story telling!

Mamma mia! Me a mamma?...What words, bloody padma? ;)

tandoorilounge... Thank you. I am a lady (oh well) AND a mommy!

Anamika...I would take laughs over sympathy anyday!

sole...I want to make you laugh, my dear.

Hobo...:)

kbpm...Too late, Kenny, the damage is done. And also classic case of comment being funnier than post.

The knife said...

I have lucked out with our maid. But drivers continue to give us nightmares through the years. I think you tried one of ours...didn't last beyond a day if i remember. My litany of woes - http://mumbaicoffeehouse.blogspot.com/2009/07/baby-you-can-drive-my-car.html