Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Who moved my paneer?

Kalpana, the cook formerly known as the merry widow is no more in our employment. It all started innocently enough, with a block of paneer.

Kalpana (in her usual world-weary, how-do-I-take-out-time-for-all-my-fans voice) : Didi, what do I cook tonight?
Me : Hmm? Whatever! No, wait, I must eat protein! And greens! Palak-paneer. Is there paneer in the house?
Kalpana: Err, yes, there is a little bit.

Takes paneer out of the fridge.

Me: So make it. Is it alright?

Kalpana smells it again and turns to Padma and starts speaking to her in Marathi, something that the feudal lord (lady?) in my just cannot stand, not being fluent or even the youngest cousin of fluent in the language.

Me: What? What? What? What are you saying to her?
Kalpana: It's ok, I think. I will make it.

Padma shoots me warning looks.

Me (smelling a rat, more likely rotting paneer): Bring it here, let me see.

Paneer is brought for inspection. The stench gives me chakkars.

Me: WTF (said in low voice, in-laws visiting and all that)! This has gone bad! I don't know what I am more angry about, that you are letting expensive foodstuff go bad or that you are willing to feed it to us.
Kalpana: Mumble, mumble, grumble.
Me: Just listen to what I am saying and don't do it again, get it? And if you ever answer back again.....

I stomped out at this point, doubting that I will ever find my temper again, so soundly had I lost it. No more was said.

This morning, no Kalpana reports for work. The portly driver urf Pramod is sent to check on her.

Pramod (gleefully): Didi, Kalpana says she will not come to work anymore.
Me: (early morning tea not consumed yet and in a very un-egalitarian mood) : WTF!

I am in a very dark place since. I should have fed her some of that paneer while I still had the chance. Never mind, maybe next time?

And to think that I don't even like paneer.


Mama - Mia said...

errr... WHY did she wanna cook bad paneer?! thats just too weird!

now what Parul?!

whats marathi for you is kannada for me! i sometimes feel amma is bhadkaoing Cubby against me! :p

she imitates how i say no and how i scold him! sigh! and its no better than he is getting a solid amma accent calling soap soapu! :p



choxbox said...

uh oh.

new cook acquired yet? i know - get kenny's since she is moving out anyway!

Priya said...

Uh Oh....only one thing is worse than 'bad maid'..'No Maid'.

All the best in the quest for a new maid.

Monika said...

oh i know i know the marathi stuff its same with me as abha mentioned... its the kannada :( :( i hate when my two maids talk to each other in kannada

i have no clue what they are saying, they might just be planning to poison me who knows


hope u get a maid soon

BeachBum said...

LOL at "I should have fed her some of that paneer while I still had the chance."
Happy Cook Hunting :)

Cantaloupes.Amma (CA) said...

Hope you are surviving fine !

Shobana said...

No maid???? *Gasp* Parul, this is a tragedy!!!!!! And she quit over spoilt paneer...tsk, tsk!

Aneela Z said...

Democracy is SOOO over rated...bring back the slaves yara (aneela in her best King Julien voice)

Anonymous said...

What! Kalpana fired you?? Ab kya hoga?


Kiran said...

I don't get it...why did she want to cook it if it was bad? did Padma tell you what they were talking about in marathi?

Hope you find a good maid soon!

(at least you have the option of a maid...yahan tow saara kaam khud karna padta hai :( )

Vidya said...

From experience,spoiled cheese/paneer would make you sick for days to come!! Hope you find a better cook soon,time to dig out the numbers of all the local take-out restaurants i guess..:)

Cynic in Wonderland said...

ah the cook woes. sigh. dont u feel like a hostage in your own house?

Cuckoo said...

All goons, extortionists I tell you. She wanted to poison you and she talks back? Better to order food from a restaurant every day me thinks.

Parul said...

Mama-Mia - Now look for new cook...sigh!

choxbox - not yet but that's an idea :)

Priya - No, bad maid is worse!

Monika - I know, it freaks me out no end!

Beach Bum - I was serious.

CA - Yeah, all good so far!

Shobana - Yes, yes, laugh at me all you like. I am spoilt! Much like the paneer.

Aneela - Agreementing with you.

Veena - Doosri aa jayegi.

Kiran - Ah yes, that's why I will never move out of India!

Vidya - Naah, I can cook. I just don't want to.

Cyn - I do, I do!

Cuckoo - That's why she is currently unemployed.

kbpm said...

Kennys cook. Ha ha. She is a snail and a tortoise combined. I would not wish her on you Parul.

I hate any upsetting of domestic equilibrium so can understand how painful it must be!

Wishing you luck..

Hobo ........ ........ ........ said...

kachcha panner & special masala
yummyy !!!

Usha said...

what? is it part of the deal that you are not supposed to pull them up for their misdeeds.
It is good you are free from her tyranny. I am sure you will find another - but I hope you will spell out the terms upfront.
The nerve indeed!

homecooked said...

What???? Is it some subtle form of blackmail? I think you spoiled her too much for her to think she can serve you spoilt paneer :)

Mystic Margarita said...

Maids and their nakhras! Ufff...I guess you can't live with them and you can't live without them, specially in India.

phuchu said...

Try looking for a Marwadi guy to cook. They are aplenty in mumbai and cook well too.

the mad momma said...

story of my life. now i let the maid give me orders. keeps the peace in the house