Sunday, April 27, 2008

A tag without the heuer

...and such are the hilarious jokes you can expect me to make in this post.

Tagged by Three Drinks Ahead and Dipali for the same meme about meme, ho, ho, ho.

1.LAST MOVIE YOU SAW IN A THEATER: Now, come on, let us get serious.

Have you forgotten about the time M and I went to watch Chak De.


Bombay, meri jaan (edited by Jerry Pinto and Naresh Fernandes). I have been reading it for the past several months. I still love books, I just don't read them anymore, more's the pity.


Pictionary and Scrabble


All trash is good.


The smell of fresh coffee that you get in European Mumbai, I get it only at The Bagel Shop in Bandra.


Heavy metal music, Adi's babble, M's hyena laugh - and I am reading this sentence again and it dawns on me just how abnormal I really am.




These days - When will he start sleeping through the night?


Not a fast food person.


I am taking in suggestions if you have something in mind....

11. FINISH THIS STATEMENT. "IF I HAD A LOT OF MONEY I'D...? open an animal shelter and buy the villa that I saw near Lake Como, the one that Mel Gibson used to own. Dude, that is way to live. I would also hire my own battery of dietitians and trainers to get me into shape. I mean, everyone says that celebs look so good because they have a lot of help from experts. Let us make it a level playing field then and see who looks better!!


Not if not in the fast lane.


I do one better. No, actually, make that two better now.


Cool, cool.


My dad's white Maruti 800.


Where do I begin? Long Island Ice Tea and Chianti. Mojitos and rose champagne. Masala Tea and ice cafe mocha. Just talking about them makes me want to pee.

17. FINISH THIS STATEMENT, "IF I HAD THE TIME I WOULD .....these days, I would just blog!


Yes. (Why would anyone want to know this?)


Something nice....


Aligarh, Dehradun, Hapur, Meerut, New Delhi, Ahmedabad, Gurgaon, Bangalore, Mumbai.


None. I am forced to watch Formula One though.


Dipali is just wonderful. She writes a really interesting blog and seems to have led a really interesting life. She leaves behind sweet comments on a lot of blogs and she has an innate sense of humour that always comes through in her writing.

(If you are in any doubt, I like Dipali a lot.)

Three Drinks Ahead has very pretty feet. Heh heh!! Seriously, she is approaching her new, married life with a lot of enthusiasm. And she likes Calvin so she has to be great, period! And she also shares the Meerut connection with me so I always think of her fondly :-)


Adi! When he is not under the dining table, that is.


You bet!


Morning, without the hangover.


Either, no fuss.


The couch.


No pie for me. Prefer cake.


Dark chocolate.


Whoever is facing a blogger's block and would like a tag to help. Take it away, people!

Thursday, April 24, 2008

Riddle-me-Ree, Who can she be?

Greetings wonderful MTBs!!!
and good work to all of you!
For having solved the riddle before
I give you all this clue.

The letter " F "

Write it down, add it on...
And let’s move on to the next little song

“Two men rule her life, one charming and tall;
The other one engaging, also handsome, but small.
She loves her cocktails and also her wine
All it takes to recognize her is a little thought and time.”

Solve it and you get your lead
Misguess, and you lose your speed
Solve it slow but solve it now
And before you go, take a little bow

Go to 'Comments' and leave me a clue
Tell me which blog you are off to.
Good luck! Good luck! Be on your way.
You have your work, cut out for the day!

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Adi's bag of tricks and other things

Adi has been learning a lot of tricks lately. He roars like a baby lion (?), puts his hand to his ear and says "HWAHA" when you tell him that there is a phone call for him, gives flying kisses, pats himself when you ask him 'where is Adi?", points to the fan and lights and daddy's nose and mama's hair and other fascinating objects correctly. Of course, all this is normal for a baby not yet one. Specially if he is the super-genius, ultra-intelligent, ready-to-chose-between-Harvard-and-Yale variety. Of course that still doesn't mean that he sleeps through the night.

However, what is really funny is that Adi has learnt the sequence of these actions. If you can start him off on the roaring bit, he will take care of the rest, quickly running through the phone-call, the flying kiss, the patting.....heh heh!!

Adi has outgrown the dining table and when he now tries to stand under it, he realizes that above-average height is good in most ways, save one. Of course, if one is a girl, then it is good in most ways, save two.You cannot stand under the dining table without banging your head and you will end up marrying someone who can. (Hello, darling! Yes, one of the reasons you married me was my wit.)

What have I been doing, other than recording my son's achievements and making fun of my husband? I have been working on an important project in order to earn some money. Other than that, I have also been having some fun. I watched Michael Clayton and Manhattan Murder Mystery over the weekend. Thanks to the three day auto-strike, I will miss my gym sessions (alas) but to make up for that, I will twist my body into strange shapes at home and boost my immunity to unprecedented levels. Talking of the gym, I seem to be a soft target (no pun, no pun, I am all muscle) for unsolicited advice. Everyone, and I mean everyone at the gym feels free to come over to me and comment on my weight, my height, the condition of my abs (how can they see what even I can't?), the percentage of fat in my body to seventeen decimal places and so on. I think I am just too polite.

No, that cannot be it. I need to think of a different explanation.

Monday, April 14, 2008

Decor disasters

Every now and then I get completely fed up of the property prices in Mumbai, resting as they are in a completely different stratosphere. It is in these fully fed-up moments that I realize that owning our own flat is going to be a tad more difficult than I thought possible. I mean people are asking for six or seven crores for a three bedroom flat in Bandra. If they are had asked for say five point five crores then it would have been eminently affordable. Naturally.


Right, so in these moments of distress, I start doing decor things to the flat we rent so that I continue to like and enjoy the place and don't start screaming from the windows out of sheer desperation.

I had another one of these phases recently and called Subhash, the elderly handyman over. Subhash is a kindly old soul who does not mind humouring the crazy lady with the baby and does the odd carpentry jobs that I ask him to do. Often I will carry my laptop to him with some decor website or the other opened on it and ask him to make 'that exact shelf' or 'those pretty little stools' or what have you. Subhash will take a look and calmly inform me that it cannot be done. So we have an exceedingly functional relationship.

This time I showed Subhash a ten kilo ghanta (bell) that I had ferried from Jaisalmer last December and asked him to make a bracket in the lobby from which to hang it. I also told him to put magnetic stoppers on the doors as I am constantly fearing for Adi's fingers getting caught in doors left slightly ajar as he crawls from room to room. Also put in a rod for the shower curtain, said I and trooped off to the mall for some shopping.

When I got back I saw that Subhash had done all the work to my satisfaction. Very pleased with myself, I forced others to compliment me on my vision and unique aesthetic sense and proceeded to eat a large lunch.

After Adi had gone off to sleep that night, I decided to get some magazines from the lobby. Of course I forgot that the mother of all ghantis is hanging in the selfsame lobby and nearly clanged it in the dark. Ooh, close shave, I whispered to Mahesh once my heartbeat had returned to normal and I was back in the safety of the bedroom. What, the ghanta got you too, he asked. Uh, oh, Houston, we have a problem, I think.

The stoppers too make loud sounds when the door hits them or is detached from them. Difficult to explain the mechanics and I really don't feel like choking you with the details but it is an uh-oh situation again.

The shower curtain is weighing down the rod on which it hangs and people have to be careful while standing beneath it for the fear of having a shower curtain complete with rod and rings land on their heads. Hmmm...

Anyway, what are these minor glitches for us domestic goddesses, eh? And oh, domestic goddesses remind me of Dipali and Kiran, both of whom have put up pictures of their beautiful homes here and here. Enjoy!

As for me, I am planning to re-do the entire house in an oriental theme now. Now, why is Subhash not taking my calls?

P.S. I am publishing this post now but will try to put in a picture of the ghanta tomorrow separately so that you can assess the gravity of the situation for yourself.

Saturday, April 12, 2008

While M was away

The greatest pleasure of having a blog with no one overriding theme is that I can type whatever catches my fancy. Right, so the husband is back from Stupid Frankfurt and has come back loaded (well, as much as three toys can load a person) with toys for Adi. These toys are variations on the already existing rattles and twisters and stackers and musical animals that make noises when you press their nose. We need some more variety in Adi's toys. As for Adi, I am sure he would appreciate a little more variety in taste and flavour too considering that all playthings serve the single and noble purpose of entering the mouth. I hope they are using food grade plastic.

My fitness bug has finally travelled to my husband and after sleeping off the aches and pains that he claims accost him every time he has to step outside the home, he asked if we could go for a jog at the park. I picked myself up from the floor and begged for his pardon, not sure if I had heard him right. He must have asked if we can go eat some aloo-tikki chaat at Papa Pancho's, I thought. No, no, jog, JOG, like walking really fast, he reiterated. Whoa, sure thing partner, I said and the troupes went traipsing off to Joggers Park. Adi was put in the stroller and Padma took charge of him while the good man and I started to run in circles. A couple of rounds later, we caught sight of a frantic Padma waving at us. Adi had decided that he did not want to stay in the stroller after all and wanted to be picked up. So we took turns in holding him and walking around. So now not only are we in great cardio-vascular shape, we also have biceps like the Great Khali. Fun.

Of course, M decided that we had worked out far too much and needed to nourish ourselves adequately so less than two hours after The Great Run, we went off to eat some nice four-cheese penne at Out of the Blue. Yes, yes, two cheeses would not have done, three would have also not sufficed. Four? Now we are talking.

While M was away, I watched two great movies - Once and Juno. How were they? As I said, they were great. That is all I can manage in terms of a review. It is a good thing I don't have to review movies for a living. An early end to the career would have about summed the story. Anyway, as a result of watching Once, I now have this song stuck in my head. Not to mention, the hero too. Look at him, he is tall, lanky and a starving musician, what is there not to like?

Adi has started walking many more steps at a time than he was doing three days back. Resultantly M feels that a lot has changed while he was away. All the more reason for not returning to Stupid Frankfurt, he says. To second that thought, Adi has been clinging to his beloved Papa like we were torturing him in his absence. M is pretty chuffed at this display of affection and has not missed a single opportunity to show off. Think of what its going to be like when we have a couple of daughters too. Errr..

I made fruit custard while M was away. And while the grandparents and Padma and Pramod all partook of the culinary delight readily enough, guess who really loved it? Yeah, my boy! He slurped up an entire bowl. At least someone appreciates my expertise and finesse in the kitchen. It is so cool to make something and have your child appreciate it. Of course you can't hold this last statement against me. Ever.

Wednesday, April 9, 2008

A tale of one city

Adi will grow up thinking that there is a city in continental Europe called Stupid Frankfurt. I am sure its a great city but for some reason, every time M needs to go there, we start referring to it as Stupid Frankfurt.

Sample this:

"What, you have to go to Stupid Frankfurt again?"
"Why do you have to go to Stupid Frankfurt when your parents are here, huh?"
"I don't want to go to Stupid Frankfurt but I also don't want to lose my job."
"I hope its not snowing in Stupid Franfurt."
"I just checked on Weather Underground and it is snowing in Stupid Frankfurt. Shit, I need to take my coat."
"Bye, baby, will be back soon. Hope don't have to go to Stupid Frankfurt again anytime soon."

Of course, there may be people reading this who absolutely adore St...ahem, Frankfurt and I would like to state clearly that I am no authority on its beauty and heritage. Its just that M seems to go there on the most inopportune of times. Like now.


Last August when the babe in my arms was literally always in my arms (three months old), I had written this, a painful and tragic account of trying to find the right Pampers for Adi. This problem had sort of resolved itself and I did not have to write about it again, sparing you. But hey, hey, hey what is a mommy blog without a discussion on a child's waste material? Lets plunge right into it, the story, that is, not the poo.

Patel Stores, Bandra informs me that they will not be able to provide me with Made in Japan, XL size Pampers anymore.

Me: WHAT? WHAT? WHAT? Toh phir Adi kya pehnega? Talk some sense, man.
Man: Heh heh, why don't you try the Pigeon ones? Very nice, very costly.
Me: Sigh, alright. Bring it on. I guess it should be alright, it is a Japanese company too.

Adi gets a rash.

After two day...

Me: What nonsense. That bloody Pigeon gave my baby a rash. I don't want it.
Man: Madam, we cannot take back an opened packet, no?
Me: I know! I am asking for an alternative. And I will break your nose if you say cotton nappies.
Man: Here, try Made in KSA, Pampers.
Me: I guess if it is alright for the Sheikhs' children, it should be ok for mine. Bring it on.

Now, there is no rash or anything but these diapers are significantly less absorbent than the earlier ones. Resultantly, I have been waking up almost everyday at all sorts of hours in the night suddenly finding myself in a puddle. It is nightmare of considerable proportions to clean up that mess while trying not to wake Adi.

Anyway, I am learning to live with it. Time for the plastic sheets. Or toilet training.

Monday, April 7, 2008

That thing....whatcha call it

A great toy, it can be used to distract a cranky baby for hours on end.

A fantastic teether, guaranteed to soothe a teething baby's aching gums.

A major distraction weapon which emanates music that helps baby food find its target.

An indispensable aid that keeps an uncooperative baby sit still in the car-seat.

A baby smile magnet.

A balancing pole for baby to hold on to as he practices walking.

It can also be used to make calls.


I have realized that the only benefit of going to the gym regularly is that you stop minding going to the gym. Yeah, that particular gem is borne of my own experience. I have been lifting some serious weights and have been doing some good cardio regularly for about a month now and honestly, and believe me I would have never thought I could say this, I am sort of enjoying it *insert gasp of horror right here*. I think they have altered my brain cells to make me enjoy exercise.

Of course, an inevitable side-effect of all this exercise is that I am hungrier than ever. I could have lied about this but given that I am typing this while stuffing myself with egg bhurji and bread sort of pricks my conscience.

Anyway, so I think I need to come to terms with the fact that I am not going to get to my pre-pregnancy weight in a hurry but I am going to be fitter than I was even then. And err, the minor matter of the pre-pregnancy jeans, ahem, I can fit into them now. BABY, I CAN WEAR THEM NOW!! CARTWHEELS!!

I am now seriously thinking of running the Mumbai Marathon next year. It will take me about that long to get into shape for running the Half Marathon or at the very least, the Dream Run which is six kms.

Anyone feel like joining me? I am looking for a partner to train with. M: this is a hint for you.


Adi's fifth toothie is out! He had been fussing a bit at mealtimes these last few days but we didn't realize that another pearlie was on its way out till I actually saw it. Cool stuff, what? He now responds to 'dancie, dancie' by actually moving up and down to music. Also, I think he realized how hurt I was at the absence of MUMM-AAH in his vocabulary and has now conceded to say it to me. He also points to the bulbs and the fan when you say these words.

And he has started sleeping through the night.

HAH! Fooled you!


Friday, April 4, 2008

Eleven months up!

Baby boy!

Eleven months, eh? Woo, that's great and I am so excited. Just one more month left for your birthday party, I mean, birthday. Of course I am not obsessing about your birthday party.

Deep breath.

So much happened again this month, love.

You took a couple of tottering, unsure steps recently. You did, too! Everyone saw it because you chose to do it when we had company over, you little show-off, you. Since then you have been giving the walking thing a try every now and then and needless to say but I will still say it, my heart swells up in pride when you do that.

Your father and I were saying BYE! BYE! to your grandmother at the door when we were taking you out. BYE! BYE! she was screaming back. In short, there were a lot of BYE! BYE!s being thrown about. You decided that you did not want to be left out and piped up in a tiny but unmistakable voice. BYE! you said. Your father, g'ma and I puffed up at this feat and were still repeating BYE! BYE! half an hour later. However, you decided that it was not so much fun after all and put an end to that. My heart though has been singing this song since then.

You carry on with your PA PA PAs and your THA THA THAs and your BA BA BAs. Dude, now one more time, let us say MUM MAH. No? Ok, next time.

Your little cold and cough saw me reaching new depths of despair, sweetheart. One side effect of that little illness was that the weaning regressed more than it progressed. But it can wait, who is in a hurry? Not me.

You started clapping your hands. CLAP! CLAP! CLAP! we say and you give us that grin that is so much like mine its startling and start clapping. The only difference is that you keep one palm steady and bang the other one on it. CLAP! CLAP! CLAP! is different from PAT-A-CAKE, PAT-A-CAKE, darling. Oh, forget it.

I think you have explored the underside of the dining table to your heart's content because while you're still reviewing it every now and then, you are coming out much more to play with your grandparents. That is great, darling not just to mend their broken hearts but also to mend my shattered social life.

My social life. Well, here is the paradox then. You are a fairly cheerful baby and you would not mind it if I went out with my friends for long periods of time leaving you in the adequate care of grandparents and Padma. The thing is - I miss you so much when I do try it, I am just itching to get back and blow a raspberry on your tumtum. I am a crazy woman, ignore me.

You continue to be a daddy's boy and I am sort of giving up on that. You wait for the little click that is his key turning in the lock and all your post-evening-nap crankiness just kaputs! I guess it is all the rough-housing he does with you but that could be just me trying to work out a reason.

You have taken a couple of tosses from the bed in your sleep, boy. I don't know how much damage it did to you but it sure sent my heart bouncing all over the place. You of course cried a bit, stuck a thumb into your mouth and went right back to sleep, leaving me holding the baby..err..that would be you.

Scraped knees. You have got them because you crawl all over the floor in your shorts but for some reason, looking at them breaks my heart. I mean, I thought they will come only after the cricket and football seasons, not when you are still a newborn in mint condition in my mind. Ah well.

Don't grow up so fast, son. Don't.



Wednesday, April 2, 2008


...with me?

After a long bout (relatively speaking) of blogstipation (funny but not my own coinage), I am hopefully (for me) back for good. As for you, you've been warned.

Kalpana's landlady threatened to evict her, Kalpana koh 'bahut tension ho gayi', Kalpana fainted on the street where a kindly passerby rescued her, Kalpana's cousin called to say that Kalpana will not be turning for work after all. This, after she had already taken a couple of days off to attend a wedding. Resultantly, guess who has been spending a lot of time in the kitchen?

No, its not Nigella Lawson, its me and I don't like it.

Guess my in-laws like it even less, though they are grinning (grimacing) and bearing it.

Kalpana is back to cooking and I hopefully to blogging.

...with Adi?

Adi has come out of the dining table enough times to throw a tantrum while
a. getting his diaper changed
b. sitting in his high-chair to eat

The monthly letter is due shortly so the rest of the capers will be covered at greater length in that but he has been getting more of a personality, not to mention attitude. Nothing new there, of course.

...with M?

M has been wanting to throw Adi out from under the dining table and hide there himself (a sentiment that has been shared by many of you, I notice in the comments) because and I quote 'this work thing doesn't really suit me'.

'Uff, thakaan' he says and collapses on the bed as soon as he has woken up. He claims he has been exercising because he and the rest of the boys from work have been playing table tennis in the evenings after work. When this was related to out fitness-freak friend J, she visibly paled.

...with the help?

Pramod has reached the enviable weight of eighty-two kilos. Clearly, someone is getting too much food and not enough exercise. He resents having to climb the stairs and bears all comments about his weight with an enviable poise. It is all the happiness that comes with having a child, he informs me. Aha, so now I know what I can blame my excess weight on.

When Kalpana is not being evicted and fainting, she is getting engaged. Yeah, yeah it is all hearsay still but I think we will hear wedding bells soon. While I do hope that she will be very happy and all that, I do wish that she won't up and leave. I have had enough of whipping up delicacies (no one dare smile) in the kitchen.

Padma is being her usual efficient self, claiming that Adi is doing everything short of growing wings and flying about.

So, that is what has been happening at our end. Wassup with you?