Wednesday, December 12, 2007

Rambling on

Having been repeatedly accused of not having a life, I am trying really hard to come up with something that sounds interesting to the reader because after all, I aim only to please.

Trying...

Still trying...

And still trying...

Naah, nothing comes to mind. So I will give up and just go on to blog about my non-life.

***

Our Driver Boy (I am intensely aware of privacy issues suddenly and will not be giving out real names anymore...at least I will try not to...cannot bear the thought of litigation battles later on) called Mahesh (no danger of litigation there) a couple of days back (I just thought of something...I should probably not call him my Driver Boy but Primary Aide for Transporting Household Members...too long, will stick to Driver Boy)...right, so Driver Boy called Mahesh.

"HALLLLO, SIR!! Mere bhai ne mujhe kaat liya hai. Aaj main kaam par nahin aaoonga."

Mahesh was not sure he had heard this right and who can blame him? He decided to just let things be and told DB to take the day off.

The next day DB turned up for work. He has nothing to do through the day so I didn't see him till that evening when I got into the car to go to the gym. There I was waiting to be driven off to Nilesh, who was doubtless putting finishing touches to Daily Torture Plan. However, DB was taking surprisingly long to put the head-rest back (he takes it off when he naps in the car....ahh, the life!) into the slot. I wondered what was taking him so long before noticing that he had a WOUND on his finger. It looked pretty bad to me.

"What happened to your finger, DB?"

"Nothing didi, this is where my brother bit me."

What is with his brother? Thinks he is Hannibal or something? No, turns out that the brother in question got into fisticuffs with DB and proceeded to communicate his point rather forcefully by taking away some of the flesh off DB's hand. The sheer brotherliness of all this just took my breath away. I asked DB to go home and get the wound treated properly. DB decided to act brave.

"Nahin didi, woh stitches lagayenge. Main chhutti nahin lena chahta."

I assured him that there was no need for him to display his commitment and sincerety to work at the cost of getting gangrene in a limb and sent him packing home.

I am happy to report that DB has recovered and is back at work. I haven't dared ask him where his equation with the bhai is at.

***

Our cook (if you have been reading this blog for a while, you already know her name but from THIS MOMENT ON, I am guarding her privacy with my life) is a notorious late-comer. She has great temperament (she brushes off any criticism of her cooking with great elan), is an enthusiastic cook (forgets to add salt to only one dish per meal) and loves to play with Adi (sometimes at the cost of the poor rice that cooks, forgotten and forsaken on high flame). But she cannot, cannot, cannot reach our place on time. This is all very well because M has a ready excuse as to why he turns up late for work every day ("What? Breakfast is not ready? Again? Oh, okay, I will just leisurely browse through the newspaper while I wait for it to get done.")

Anyhow, last Sunday, Kalpana (I give up) was nowhere to be seen till 9:45 am. Now, this households knows no weekends, we wake up when Adi wakes up and kickstart the day. So we sort of need to eat at a reasonable hour. Considering she was more than two hours late to report to work, I thought it would not be considered entirely rude if I called her and asked her WHERE THE HELL WAS SHE???

"Halloo, Kalpana, where the hell are you?"

A very sleepy sounding Kalpana, "Huh? Kaun, didi? Haan main bas abhi aa rahi hoon. Main soch rahi thi kanda khareed kar aaoongi."

An increasingly irate me, "What nonsense! What kanda! Tum toh soh rahi ho and mujhse jhoot bol rahi ho ki abhi aa rahi hoon."

A significantly more awake Kalpana,"Hee hee! Nahin, nahin didi, soh nahin rahi. Thodi sardi ho gayi hai isliye awaaz aisi lag rahi hai."

At this point I realise that this conversation cannot proceed unless I come to terms with the fact that I have become a complete and total and irreversible housewife. It is a little early in the day to be making life-altering decisions such as this one and I haven't even had my first cup of coffee. So I end matters by hanging up.

Ten minutes later a perfectly healthy (no sign of any sardi) but very sleepy looking Kalpana rings the doorbell. There is no kanda anywhere to be seen.

***

Padma tells me that anytime anyone asks me how old Adi is, I should inflate his age by at least two months. This is to be done in order to ward off the evil-eye. Apparently if people go away thinking that he is small for his age, he will be protected from their buri nazar.

Okie dokie. Who am I to argue, specially in the face of such infallible logic?

***

14 comments:

Aryan said...

Hi Parul
Just happaned to visit. You have a nice blog...
Aryan's mom

Meirz said...

Did you read today's HT City ?
All the privacy-issue talk is getting scary. Now they tell me I could get fired for blogging.
Sheesh! What happened to good ol 'networking' .

purplehomes said...

Parrrrrrrruuuuuuulll....i need help too...my maid cum cook has gone for a month long vacation..without putting anyone in her place...when hv we got 30 days off from our employers..n our driver just came in and announced that so n so is paying him 8k and giving him a room to stay !! so he cant work for poor people like us..i want to CRY!!

Mona said...

i feel like i'm missing something. what's all this privacy talk? something happen?
i'm so zoned out most of the times, i wouldn't be surprised if it was something really and totally big and i missed it.
with padma, kalpana and db around, bet Adi will never feel the need to watch TV to pass the time, huh?
:)

Mahogany said...

So, did DB bite his brother back?

Kodi's Mom said...

Love your sarcasm!

Anitha(nikki's mom) said...

You have a way with words lady! making even mundane sound interesting.

DotMom said...

you have on hilariously rocking household. rock on, dudes. (uh.. i mean dudettes too)

Preethi said...

haha.... i am reminded of my chennai days... i had asked my maid to clean the area rug.. she put it on the patio wall.. from where my 8000 Buck rug fell to the parking lot... DH gathered it and brought it home for lunch. The next day my maid put the area rug and a aruvamanai (thats a sharp knife fixed to a wooden base) as a weight to hold the rug on the wall.. the thing fell again and missed the Watchman's head by an inch.. I came home to an irate watchman and a bashful maid!! :P

karmickids said...

Has K met my cook by any chance? Do you think there is a cook conspiracy going on? I leave at 8 in the morning to drop the brat and get into office, hungry and starving (me not the brat) and no sign of the woman till 9.30, when the husband finally loses it and calls me to arrange for breakfast to be delivered....

Rohini said...

Good to see you treating the whole privacy thing with the sarcasm it deserves...

Parul said...

Aryan's mom - thank you, hope you will be back?

meirz - no, I don't get HT at home, send me the link?

purplehomes - oh, that is terrible. you poor thing....so what is the plan of action? *hugs*

mona - yeah, you have missed out on stuff, will tell you.

mahogany - I hope not!

kodi's mom - :) Thank you.

anitha (nikki's mom) - Thank you.

dotmom - yeah, they keep me amused in the absence of TV and Rakhi Sawant.

preethi - oops, she must have been quite a character!!
And close call that, Mr. Watchman!

karmickids - I think they are all the same!

rohini - hmmm, yes, I know no other way.

SUR NOTES said...

first- your late lateef husband sounds like a riot- next blogging mum's meet please bring him along- would love to exchange vague dialogues, or just be audience to him. i keep missing the BIG films too!

second- nilesh sounds like a riot- no, he is not invited to the next bl. mum's meet. you are looking small is brilliant.

and most important- trust me, dont worry, when adi begins walking, and you are weaning, you will lose everything! weight, and sanity, both!

WhatsInAName said...

You are a funny gal! :) Am addicted to your posts!